About Me

My name is Austin. And I'm not even supposed to be here. My story begins before I was even born. When my mom was 2-months pregnant, she lost my twin. At the time, though, she didn't realize she was going to have twins. It wasn't until she went to her first obstetrician visit that she found out that my twin failed to form and was deemed a "vanishing" twin. Two months later, at her next visit, her doctor told her she found many things wrong with me during an ultrasound - possible hydrocephalus, hydronephrosis, not developing fast enough. She told my mom to terminate her pregnancy with me, that even if  I survived the pregnancy, I wouldn't live past the age of 2. And even then, I would be in doctors' offices most of that time, leading to a miserable life and costly medical bills. 

Mom didn't want to kill me, so when she started crying, her doctor sent her to the hospital, next door, where they had "better" ultrasound machines. The lady who was doing the ultrasound at the hospital didn't seem to have any better news. But at Mom's next doctor's visit, the doctor said it looked not much, but some, better. So, she sent Mom to a high-risk pregnancy specialist about 100 miles away. They seemed more hopeful of a healthy baby being born. My head was actually smaller than it should be, so they ruled out hydrocephalus immediately. Yes, I was still small and my kidneys were not emptying completely, but the specialist gave Mom the hope she was praying for. She had to visit that office once a month for the next 4 months. 

Mom also had gestational diabetes, which created another risk for me. But she ate only what she was allowed to eat and took her insulin shots as required. 

I have an older brother, so my parents had an established pediatrician. And during one of my brother's visits, Mom talked to the doctor about what was going on with me, so he would aware of the situation before I arrived.

A c-section was scheduled for April 31, 1997, but my mom started bleeding like she was having a miscarriage on April 27th. Dad rushed us to the hospital where a team of nurses prepped Mom for a speedy delivery. They had to put her to sleep so they could do the c-section as quickly as possible. When she woke up, she was greeted by the NICU doctor who was taking care of me. She pushed a clipboard in my mom's face and told her that the blood that wasn't leaving her body had gone into my body, so I had too much blood and was hurting and very uncomfortable. They had to do a reverse transfusion. So, Mom signed the paperwork on the clipboard so that could happen. 

Fortunately, I moved into the step down section of the NICU within a couple of days and was moved into a regular room within a week. Mom spent the night with me in the regular room and had to watch a video about how to perform CPR, because my vitals were very low when I was born, and I weighed only 5 lbs. 2 oz. The only test I passed when I was born was the 10 fingers and 10 toes test. While in NICU, they performed brain and kidney tests on me. I guess the brain test went well. But my kidneys still weren't functioning properly, so I had to go to a nephrologist 100 miles away, again, for the next 2 years. Slowly, my kidneys began emptying as they should. One kidney is enlarged because of being slow to empty and being the one to heal last, but I was released from the nephrologist's care at the age of 2. 

They also suspected I may have had hearing problems when I was born, so a visit was scheduled to have a hearing test performed. But the lady who was performing that test wasn't very patient with my crying, so it had to be canceled. My pediatrician suggested another lady, and Mom said she did a much better job and was able to confirm that my hearing was okay. I also had to see a geneticist, within a couple of weeks of being born, who could not determine anything was genetically wrong at the time. 

My mom was concerned about my not being able to walk at the age of 1. I actually never crawled either; just pulled myself along. And I was slow to start talking. My pediatrician said that it was common for some children to take as long as 18 months to learn to walk and start talking. So, by the time I was 18 months old, I was walking but fell a lot for the next several years. My balance still isn't great, but I manage that better now that I'm an adult. And I was unable to safely go up and down stairs without assistance until I was about 9 years old. My toes are cramped together, so I don't know if that's the problem or not. I did start talking as well by the time I was 18 months old. 

But the slowness of being able to walk and talk along with other signs of slow learning, disinterest of ordinary things going on around me, and my strong dislike of loud noises, which sent me into fits of thrashing and crying, my parents asked to have me tested for autism. My doctor said that that was expensive and insurance wouldn't cover the cost. So, he declined to send me for testing. And my parents had no idea where to begin without the doctor's help.

For these reasons, I was homeschooled, because my home was a quiet environment where I could learn at my own pace - not too slow and not too fast. My mom told me I could go to public school once some of my problems straightened out, but I told her I preferred to continue homeschooling, because that environment was still more comfortable for me, as I had had a couple of occasions being in a public school environment for 5th grade testing and ACT testing. Thanks to an online umbrella school in our state, I was able to get my high school diploma through them.

Also, at about 18 months, my parents noticed that my eyes were crossed, so they took me to an ophthalmologist, where the doctor eventually determined that I had lazy eye, severe astigmatism, and my vision could only be corrected to 20/30. After a year of checkups, it was determined that surgery would not help my lazy eye condition. Because of my eye conditions, I've never felt comfortable enough to learn how to drive. So, I don't have a driver's license, just a government ID.

For the last couple of years, I've experienced off-and-on blurry vision problems in one eye or the other that would clear up within a couple of days. During that time, the affected eye would become very red and inflamed. At first, the occurrences happened a few months apart and seemed to be related to a cold or Covid that I was getting over at the time. So, my parents and I assumed it was pink eye related to the viruses.

Suddenly, this started happening when I hadn't been sick, and it started happening more frequently - like every couple of weeks then several times each weak. I went to see an optometrist. But on the day I went, my eyes were acting normal. The few days before, I had had a severe episode. At that visit, though, in May 2024, the doctor said she saw that I had dry eye in the problematic eye. So, she said I should use OTC eye drops to keep that under control. We stopped by Target before going home and picked up one of the drops she had written down for me to get. 

Well, the very next day, I had a flare up. And this time, it lasted for 2 weeks. When the drops weren't helping nor the other OTC remedies recommended for dry eye (humidifier, warm compress), I went to see an ophthalmologist. Fortunately, they were able to work me in quickly, the next day, which was Tuesday. My right eye had deteriorated drastically over the course of those 2 weeks. I wasn't able to see at all out of my right eye because of the gritty feeling, swelling, and severe redness. The doctor determined I had Recurring Corneal Erosion/Abrasion, which is a condition where the cornea rips causing severe pain. Dry eye, especially overnight, causes it to continuously rip. So, he placed a contact bandage over it so it could heal. And he placed me on prescription antibiotic drops. He said I should notice a difference within a couple of days, but if I didn't I should come back in. 

It didn't feel better by Friday that same week, so I went back. This next doctor placed me on prescription steroid drops as well. She kept me on both drops for a couple of months. Once the eye started getting healthier, she was able to determine that I also have Epithelial Basement Membrane Dystrophy, which is a generic condition where the cornea may not form correctly each month. Severe astigmatism can also contribute to the new cornea not forming correctly as well. There is no cure for these eye diseases. So, I'm always at risk for flare ups. For the rest of my life, I'll be on prescription eyedrops, 2 X per day, that help my eyes produce tears, OTC vitamin C, 1 X per day, to help with eye health, OTC preservative free, sterile artificial tears, 2 to 4 X per day, nightly humidifier using distilled water, wearing a heated mask, 1 to 2 X, per day to help my eyes produce tears, and overnight eye gel when I feel that my eyes are too dry at night. Producing tears is also making my nose run and causing me to cough more. So, I need OTC medication to help with those side effects so I can sleep at night. 

The doctor said I do have a scar from that severe RCE flare up. Both eyes have had minor flare ups since the initial healing from the severe flare up. I almost always see halos in both eyes and have continuous blurry vision in the right eye while wearing my glasses with lenses that are only 6 months old. Blurry vision comes and goes in my left eye. Again, not good driving vision at all. And I'm not really able to work outside of the house, because I'm not sure if an employer will understand that I can't work when I have a flare up. And certain conditions, such as dust, dry air, and blowing air (e.g., ceiling fans, windy days), to name a few, can cause a flare up as well. So, I'm trying to establish a work-from-home business to support myself in a controlled environment. I sell items on eBay and Etsy, and I have a profile on Upwork and LinkedIn. My hope is to be on more online sites soon. All of this is still in progress, and all links to these sites are or will be provided in the right column if you'd like to visit any of them.

So, my vision is how I came up with the name for this blog, but the name can mean so much more. After all, we all experience Focus Frenzy from time to time throughout life. This blog is where I'll continue my story as well as talk about things that interest me and hopefully will interest you also. So, I hope you will visit often and even join in on the conversation via the comments section.